Earlier this year, I had made it a priority to develop a spiritual practice. In the mornings, I would do a few minutes of meditation to energize my day. Often, this would include a blessing ball of light guided meditation, wherein I invite all the positive things I want to happen in my day to manifest. At night, I’d do a few minutes of quiet before going to bed. Some nights, I sat, focusing on watching my breath move in and out. Other nights, I listened to a guided meditation.
Atonement
There was one night in particular when I remember listening to a guided meditation on forgiveness and letting go. I remember one summer night, surrendering to and being humbled by all the mistakes I have made in the past. One by one, I visualized the people I have wronged in my life. If I had caused them hardship or strife in some way, directly or indirectly, intentionally or not. With each person, I asked for forgiveness. I most likely did not understand the full repercussions of my actions at the time. And after I apologized in my mind, I let the image of that person go. As one person faded away, another person came to mind. I did this over and over with different people.
I told myself when I came out of meditation, I would contact them individually and let them know that I was seeking atonement as I enter a new stage in my life. I hadn’t done it. Then a few nights ago, I had a dream that was basically reminding me that I needed to do this before the baby comes. Have you ever felt like you needed to do that? Clear the slate so you can begin anew?
The dream also told me I had some pending files for work that I never sent off. Oh yeah, those. Thanks for the reminder, intuition.
Forgiveness
So I will muster up the courage, as it is now the end of the year (2017) to ask for forgiveness from those I have wronged and hope my words are met with compassion. After doing this, I’ll have to hold some space for people that I need to forgive and send them off into the light to be healed and transformed.
Letting Go
It’s not easy to let go. I’ve had a family member this year that has been a perpetual trigger for me. I want the best for them and wished they could be part of my life (and I apart of hers) with all the exciting things that have happened this year, but I felt continually let down and made to feel unimportant and hurt. I am learning to accept that some people are just where they are at and there’s nothing you can do about it. By me trying to make things better, I only made things worse. So this, I’ll include as I send them off onto the light. It really made me learn the lesson that some people you can keep in your heart, but because they’re at wherever they are, they cannot be in your life.
We must wish them well and continue forward…